Last night, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of Pastors in Mexico at a Pastor’s School. The topic they gave me to talk about was “Intimacy With Your Spouse”. Since I was talking to a group of Pastors, my talk was geared to those in ministry. However, I believe this can apply to all of us in ministry or not. Here are my notes:
CREATING INTIMACY IN YOUR MARRIAGE
The tendency in ministry is to go so fast and get so busy that we neglect the most important ministry- Our Marriages!
UnHEALTHY Alignment of Priorities:
This seems to be the norm. So our spouse and kids get the leftovers. This is unhealthy and will lead to unhealthy marriages and families. This kills intimacy.
Healthy Alignment Of Priorities:
THE TRUTH IS THAT IF YOU LOSE YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MINISTRY
The first church you pastor is your home. We must make a decision to put our spouse and family before our ministry. It has to be intentional and everyday.
Verse: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”John 10:10
The enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy your marriage!! Or anything in your life. But Jesus has come to give you life. He came to give you abundant life and this includes your marriage.
Just because you are in ministry, you do not get a “pass” from God that says: “I am too busy doing the work of the Lord to work on my marriage, so God will just have to take care of it”. This is a lie from the enemy!
Remember what God said: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
There is this idea of becoming “one flesh”. This is intimacy.
IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN CREATING ONENESS AND INTIMACY IN YOUR MARRIAGE, THEN YOU NEED TO QUIT THE MINISTRY! NOW!!!
Here are 3 intentional ways to help create more intimacy in your marriage:
1. I must have intentional FACE TIME with my spouse
You must set aside time everyweek, and if possible daily where you and your spouse have face time with one another. You have to talk and communicate.
What do you talk about? You do NOT talk about the ministry!! You talk about your life as a couple, family, kids, dreams, plans, and goals. This is the time that you find out the deepest fears and longings of one another.
2. I must be intentional with my WORDS.
Remember your words are like missiles. Once a missile is launched there is no bringing it back. So the damage is already done. Men especially need to watch how they talk to their wives. You cannot talk to your wife the same way you talk to other men.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12
Sometimes we treat the people we are ministering to better than we treat our own spouse. This is NOT right!!
3. I must be intentional with my TOUCH
Immediately, many of you just thought of sex! While sex is a very important part of marriage and intimacy, it does not just start and end in the bedroom.
Sex is an all day affair. The way you treat one another, the way you touch throughout the day (not necessarily in a sexual way, but holding hands, and kissing throughout the day, hand on the back, etc..)
Men, your wife needs to know that you love her and want to touch her and hug her and kiss her and hold her hand, not just because you want to have sex with her, but because you care for her and you cherish her!!
Some men never touch their wives outside of the bedroom. This is not intimacy!!
Women, understand that your husband needs you to admire him. You are proud of him. You honor him. You should not treat sex as a tool to get what you want, but something that is mutual and fulfilling for both of you.
God does not condemn sex- He created it!!
”The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” I Corinthians 7:3-4
These are only three principles, there are many more! What would you add to the list? I would love to hear from you!
The ultimate goal for your marriage is the glory of God!! What steps are you taking to create more intimacy inside your marriage?